The Heartbreak Kid (2007) Review

The stench from the trash heap of 1970's Hollywood remakes just got a little stronger.

Heartbreak Bids

Crassing up the joint © Paramount/Dreamworks

Hollywood's current relationship with the American cinema of the 1970's is very much like that of the protagonist of The Heartbreak Kid to his newlywed wife. Although executives will profess in interviews a great love for the seminal works of that decade, the moment the interviewer has left the room, it's back to the business of trying to plunder the period for quick, easy, intellectually pre-owned remake opportunities.

In garish fashion, Tinseltown is basically cheating on itself and, like Lenny/Eddie Cantrow (Charles Grodin, Ben Stiller), shows no compunction in doing it. Though The Heartbreak Kid is not part of the recent rash of 1970's horror film remakes (Halloween, The Hills Have Eyes, Black Christmas, The Amityville Horror, The Omen, etc.), it's still a very scary movie.

The combo that it immediately recalls is The Bad News Bears. While the 1976 sleeper was a genuine charmer, with breakout young star casting and a deft performance by Walter Matthau, the recent Richard Linklater version (Richard Linklater!) was a foul-mouthed, agonizing misfire. Rarely has the PG-13 rating been pushed as close to its foul language limit as it was here. In the name of comedy, everything was taken the new millennium moron level - just like it is in Heartbreak Kid - and a familiar green light formula (Thorton as a lout, Stiller as the bewildered eye of a comedic storm) crashed and burned.

See Jane flop © Columbia Pictures

Further confirming that of all the 1970's genres, comedy is the one Hollywood should stay the farthest away from raping, is Fun with Dick and Jane. One of the most expensive, ill-conceived remakes of the decade, it basically tried to feed off the momentum of Mr. & Mrs. Smith but instead picked up more on the trail of Leonard, Part 6. Amazing to think that just a few years ago, this was the kind of thing Judd Apatow had to say yes to, to pay the bills (he co-wrote the screenplay).

The original Heartbreak Kid was written by Neil Simon, and he perhaps deserves some of the blame for this weekend's Farrelly Brothers train wreck. Why? Because he willingly participated in an earlier remake of The Heartbreak Kid by penning 1991's The Marrying Man, the film that famously hooked up Alec Baldwin and Kim Basinger. It may have been based on a separate true story, but the storyline of a man getting ready to marry and then meeting the separate girl of his dreams is a de facto Heartbreak Kid logline. To Simon's credit, in spite of an inexperienced director and forthright stars, it's a way better picture than this weekend's fart fest.

Hollywood also tried to sneak a remake of The Goodbye Girl by in 2004 by making it for TNT instead of the big screen. But true to form and the name of the cable outlet, it blew up real good. And while there are many who enjoyed the Adam Sandler remake of The Longest Yard, it can't hold a prison candle to the original. Ditto for The In-Laws.

Whiffing at the comedy plate © Paramount Pictures

Even when Hollywood tries to source a foreign 1970's classic, the results are the same. Stallone stunk up the joint with Get Carter; Steven Soderbergh and George Clooney got lost in space with Solaris; and the Neil LaBute-Nicolas Cage treatment of The Wicker Man is an abomination. What was LaBute thinking? These high-minded messes are right up there with this decade's faint echoes of The Stepford Wives, Willard and The Poseidon Adventure.

But the trend continues. On the heels of Gerard Butler being attached to a new Escape from New York comes word that Oscar winner Denzel Washington will jump into an update of The Taking of Pelham One Two Three. There are also the long-gestating remakes of Logan's Run and Westworld, as well as the upcoming Will Smith sci-fi release I Am Legend, a remake of The Omega Man.

That brings up the issue of the title. The Farrelly's were originally going to call their latest film The Seven Day Itch. If you're going to borrow from the 1970's, it's a toss up as to whether the brand name recognition of the original outweighs the cover-your-tracks convenience of a new heading. Not sure if it was ever discussed, but I think Denzel would be better off if his new action drama was called The Hijacking of Flushing Meadows Seven Eight Four. Meanwhile, Death Race 2000 is being turned into simply Death Race; should there be a sequel, we can I guess look forward to Race.

An innocent victim © Anchor Bay

So there you have it; we're at the Hollywood race track and another two-horse race has been turned into a wash, with Elaine May, Charles Grodin, Neil Simon and co. skunking the late entrant co-owned by Bob, Peter and Ben. Whether it's Samuel L. Jackson giving us the Shaft or Nicolas Cage being Gone in 60 Seconds from theaters, the sub-genre of 1970's remakes is almost entirely bereft of distinction.

Seriously, when the best non-horror rip is arguably 2005's Assault on Precinct 13 (I'm counting the new Sleuth as a British film), you know as a moviegoer that you're in trouble. In other words, Columbia, if you've got Travis Bickle in development, please stop the meter on that one. Now.